


you left me here behind (i thought you'd grow old with me)

by HopePotter



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Canonical Character Death, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional Hurt, Five Stages of Grief, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt James "Rhodey" Rhodes, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, James "Rhodey" Rhodes Needs a Hug, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, POV James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Protective Sam Wilson, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Self-Destruction, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:21:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23299234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopePotter/pseuds/HopePotter
Summary: So, yea. Tones, I’m on suicide watch. Surprise.ORRhodey going through the 5 stages of grief after Tony's death.
Relationships: Happy Hogan & Pepper Potts & James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Sam Wilson, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 14
Kudos: 17





	1. Denial (please come back)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I wrote this at 3 am because who really has a sleep schedule at this point? Read the warnings, this is a Rhodey-centric fic after endgame because I was listening to You Said You'd Grow Old With Me by Michael Schulte and I got this idea, especially since I see many fics focused around peter but not Rhodey, who had been Tony's best friend since MIT. 
> 
> So yup, hope you enjoy the fic, leave feedback!  
> ~Hope ♥

I never thought it would be the last time I saw you smile. I wish I had taken a picture. I wish I had told you how much you mean to me, no matter how cheesy it sounded because it was the truth. I wish you were still here.

I'll never hear you laugh again, or cry, I'll never hear you groaning because you never had your coffee or hear the softness in your voice you swore you never had when you talked about Peter.

Denial.

Even as I saw you lay there and Friday stop reciting your vitals (like the life had been sucked out of her too) I didn’t want to believe it.

I kept waiting for you to open your eyes. Like in the movies where all hope is lost and then- then there's a miracle. I was waiting on that miracle.

We went home (but is it really home if it feels hollow?) I kept snapping my head towards the door when I heard a noise, telling myself that any moment, Pepper, or Happy, or even goddamn Rogers would rush in and tell me that _it's a miracle but he’s alive Rhodey, he’s alive._

Damn you Tones.

Why did you have to go? Why couldn't you have just stayed alive man? I know there was no other way but why couldn't the goddamn universe pick someone else to take back. 

Some days it still feels like a dream, and I keep waiting for you to crash in (because let's be honest, you were always dramatic like that) and proclaim something along the lines of, _did you miss me or_ _whats with the long face, did someone die or something_ and I swear I wouldn't even hit you. 

Please come back Tones. I miss you.

The team, well whoever was left got me to see a therapist, _can you believe it?_

You would have made jokes about your own therapist and how we were buddies and you- god you would have probably been so supportive in a way that may not have been straight to the point, but you'd always liked to linger. You left half-empty coffee mugs on the table, greasy tank tops in your labs (you had a walk-in closet but I think you did this on purpose, didn’t you?), money in drawers and helplines. You cared. You liked to leave things behind. But why did you have to leave me?

You were too good for this world Tony. 

I’m sorry, I dont think I can keep going. Not without you.

* * *

Sam knocked on Rhodey’s door. He knew how hard he was grieving. Tony _was_ his best friend. So because of this, he expected a lot. What he didn’t expect, was to see the man holding a chefs knife to his abdomen.

His heart plummeted.

“Rhodey?” Sam looked at his friend with worry, walking towards him slowly, like a hunter trying to keep their prey calm.

Rhodey’s head snapped up. His hands shook, but he wouldn’t let go of the blade in his hand.

“Go away.”

Sam chuckled darkly.

“Rhodey, you know I can’t do that. Can you hand me the knife and we’ll talk this out.” Sam sounded morbid now.

Rhodey’s breath hitched.

“Rhodes-

“DONT CALL ME THAT! Only _he_ called me that!”

Then, in a broken voice.

“Why couldn’t it have been me?”

Sam took a step closer and quickly grabbed the hilt of the knife in a professional manner; like he had done this before.

Vaguely, it dawned on Rhodey that Sam must’ve done it before, he worked with veterans didn’t he?

“I’m sorry you have to do this with me,” he had whispered as he let go of the knife and lurched forwards, collapsing on the floor, a sobbing mess, _god it hurt so bad_ as if someone had cut open his heart and stitched it back together without anaesthetics.

Sam looked at him painfully, as he called someone from the med lab to take care of him.

So, yea. Tones, I’m on suicide watch. _Surprise._


	2. Anger (they should put a danger sign on me cause i'm exploding with rage)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a good look at his hands, he smiled sickly. The aftermath of boxing was torn skin, and knuckles tainted yellow and blue.
> 
> He deserved this. Even more, he wanted this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! here's a new chapter for you all to enjoy while were in quarantine, most of my updates are going to be me writing at 3 am, but I hope you enjoy this! I'm really glad that I'm continuing this idea, and just a reminder to tread lightly!
> 
> This chapter contains mentions of bad eating habits, so just beware! Also if you read this, drink water!
> 
> ~Hope ♥

Rhodey did not know how to explain how he was feeling. He finally left the hospital after they deemed him _not a danger to himself or others._ A load of bull.

Well, one thing he's done a lot more since he went there was exercise. Maybe a bit more than necessary.

* * *

"Rhodey you've been in here for the past 5 hours."

Rhodey's hands were covered with boxing gloves, yet they felt torn and bruised. 

Punch.

_Why did you have to leave?_

Punch.

_You were an idiot Tones._

"Rhodey, Sam says dinner is ready."

Punch.

_Shut up._

Punch.

_I don't forgive you, you gave up on us just like that._

Punch-

"RHODEY!"

He looked up to meet the blue eyes of America's Pride and Glory (ex), Steve freaking Roger's.

"What do you want?" Rhodey asked.

Steve eyed him up and down as if assessing to see if he was injured.

"Sam called. Dinners ready."

"I'm not hungry."

"Come on, it's some Italian pasta, carbonara or cannelloni? Something like that."

_Italian._

Tony loved Italian food.

_All the more reason to not eat it._

"Rhodey, you've been locked in here for a while, take a _break_."

"I'm _fine._ "

"Ah see and that's where I don't agree."

"Never asked for your opinion," he huffed as he punched again, wincing as he suddenly registered the sting of his hands.

"James. You've missed team dinners for around 2 weeks now. I'm starting to think you don't eat at all." He lifted an eyebrow.

Team dinners. As if. Two of the most important members of their _team_ were dead.

"Fine. I'll come after I shower." He muttered as he yanked off his boxing gloves and slid out of the ring.

Steve looked at him, pleased like he had just accomplished something great. What an idiot.

He went into the elevator (friday hasn't been as active as she was when tony was alive, surprise) and walked into his room, picked out some sweats and a shirt, then went to the bathroom.

He looked in the mirror and sighed.

He looked thin. Cheekbones that had never been there before, all the muscle in his arm seemed to be pretty much nonexistent, and his stomach kept growling. 

He was like a skeleton. Fragile and dead inside.

Entering the shower, he hissed. His hands were bleeding, turning the bathtub water pink.

Taking a good look at his hands, he smiled sickly. The aftermath of boxing was torn skin, and knuckles tainted yellow and blue.

He deserved this. Even more, he _wanted_ this. Turn the emotional pain physical, he thought vaguely.

He rinsed off and changed, practised smiling in the mirror, then made it to the table.

"Well look who finally decided to join us!" Sam proclaimed with a tired grin.

He walked further towards the table and sat in between Bruce and Bucky. Immediately, he regretted his decision.

"What happened to your hand?" Bucky questioned.

Rhodey felt everyone's gaze on him, and he shifted, gritting his teeth.

Bruce frowned and eyed his injuries with disapproval.

"Nothing." He replied with an edge.

Sam met his gaze and poured him some pasta.

"Thank you."

"No problem. Now, let's all settle down for team dinner shall we?"

"Team, yes cause that's what we are," he muttered sarcastically.

"What did you say?" Clint growled.

"Nothing."

Sam sighed. "Clint, let it go."

"No, I want to hear what you have to say, huh? What is it-

Rhodey slammed his fists on the table.

"SHUT UP! WE'RE NOT A TEAM."

"I know you miss him Rhodey. We all do. Him and Natasha. We knew him and he wouldn't want you to do this to yourself." Bruce tried to reason with him.

"You _know_ him?" Rhodey sneered. "Did you know that he can't let anyone drive a car for him, even though he has a chauffeur because of his parents? Or that Howard was a manipulative and abusive dad? Or maybe that he swears he only drinks black coffee, yet he always puts creamer because that's how I used to make it for him in MIT? So tell me, do you know him? DO YOU?" 

"Rhodey-

"No. I'm out. Sorry, but I can't stay here any longer," he spat.

As he walked away, he clenched his fists. 

It's been hard to keep myself from exploding from rage since you've been gone. Tones, what the hell were you _thinking?_

As he lay in bed later that night he realized, he never ate any of that cannelloni (left untouched just like you should have been Tony.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO that's it folks! Next stage is bargaining, so just be on the lookout for that! If you have requests, leave them in the comments along with something you've done during this time. Heres a reminder that you don't have to be productive. If you want to learn a skill? awesome. if you want to binge on some shows? you do you! if you've survived, if you are alive reading this, I am so proud of you. keep fighting ♥
> 
> ~Hope ✨☕

**Author's Note:**

> Great! Now that that's over, I hope you guys will stay for the next 4 stages! Tell me if you have any suggestions?
> 
> Tumblr: Hopepotterwriter
> 
> TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES IF YOU READ THIS DRINK SOME OF THAT CLEAR JUICE AND BYE  
> ~Hope ✨✌


End file.
